So I haven't written for a while. Things have been a bit strange. Like, I have had days where I have felt really low and anxious and days where I have felt fine and dandy. I haven't been reacting to the down days like I normally would. I guess you could say I have been quite pro-active. To start with I have tried to rationalise things a bit more. A few weeks near christmas I ran out of my meds. I have started them up again so I'm thinking the dip in mood and anxiety could be due to the meds re-entering my system - usual side effects etc.

I have been making more of an effort with my friends. The other night I was feeling quite down so I text a few different friends and arranged dates to meet for catch ups. I know it may sound silly to some people, but for me that was a massive piece of action and I'm quite proud of myself. I really don't want to spend this year isolating myself again. I don't want to lose touch with anymore special people in my life so I intend to keep up the effort required to maintain my friendships.

Physically I have felt like crap. Well not so much now, but for six days at least I had no energy, was sleepy all day at uni, sleeping-in on a morning and skipping lectures so I could sleep more. This really freaked me out because when I am tired I become scared. Scared of what? Well scared that I'm being lazy. I find it difficult to figure out if I'm being lazy or if I'm genuinely shattered. My head automatically thinks lazy and then starts giving me a hard time. I end up pushing myself to do more as a way of proving to myself that I am not lazy.

Any way sticking with my pro-active theme I bought multi vitamins ha! But I also made myself stick to a srict sleeping pattern - going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday. It seemed to do some good as I don't feel as bad now. I might just get my bloods checked at the quacks, if I can be bothered to make an appointment.

I start my placement for uni in two weeks. I'm really looking forward to it, especially as it means I don;t have to sit through boring lectures for six weeks. I'm worrying though about lunch. I don't eat lunch which is fine with me. But I'm worried that my supervisor/educator might see it as a bad thing. If I'm training to be a professional, to work with and help others then shouldn't I be taking better care of myself? That's what I'm worried she may think. I have thought about taking something in just so she can at least see me eat something, but I can't do it - don't want to do it. It will mess me up big time. I will have my fortijuice so I will be having something I just hope it doesn't become an issue - because it is not an issue. I think I will have to speak with my tutor at uni (who knows the score) and see what she thinks I should do.

Right I have babbled nonesense and missed my bed time...so see ya x x x