So.....what to write? I don't know really, just had an urge to write something. I always have the urge to write something that's why I decided to start a blog. Well actually I never have an urge to write when it comes to my uni work - instead I tend to spend ages formatting the page layout, making sure my header and footer look ok. I love doing the cover page and I love doing the refernce list, other wise I hate uni work.

I have what they call avoidance issues....I avoid anything that I don't like; from the minor things like essays to the bigger thing that is life. Yep I avoid life. Is that weird? Surely a lot of people do this. I mean who really likes life....real life? Pretend life is ok. You know when you kind of live inside your head and you create your own little world where everything is non-offensive. I could spend all day every day inside my own head but it's pretty hard to achieve, especially if you don't live alone, and you have a job, and go to uni and have quite a large family, and.... ok so you get the picture.

I think I'm angry. I'm angry at the things I have to do to live. Like, did you know you have to eat to live?? Yeh, apparantly so and I hate that. Second, you have to be above a certain weight to function properly - hence the eating thing. Also if you don't socialise you become lonely and life becomes pointless. You also become scared of people and outside. It's ridiculous. What ever happened to freedom of choice. What if you don't want those things, but you still want to live? People usually assume you don't want to live if you would rather go without lifes essentials......I hate assumptions.

So for about 3 months now I have been doing these 'normal' things in order to live and have a life. I actually feel worse for it, but people don't understand that. They see I am doing all these 'normal' things and they can't understand what my problem is...."but you look great!" If I hear that one more time I may have to hurt someone.

The message then becomes whilst you look ok, we will assume you are ok. Stupidness! So what is the point in me doing all these things that I hate doing? I may as well go back to the way I was and have some understanding....oh yeh, if I do that I can't have my life. Hmmm the words vicious circle come to mind.....grrrr!